What a
blogger I am! More months of silence and leave it to a funeral to return me to
my blogsphere. Sigh.
In the last 3
months, I’ve attended two funerals. Where I am, they call these “celebrations
of life” and indeed they are because people come up to microphones and talk
about how amazing these lives where when they had breath. Both were men. I did
not know either one well at all. Despite that confession, I felt compelled to
come and pay my respects.
RP was
his late 80s and RT in his late 40s. The former’s passing was somewhat
understood and expected as he was in his twilight years but the latter’s
passing came as a shock. RT had been paralyzed a couple of months ago after
accidentally hurting himself jumping into his swimming pool at home. Both leave
behind loved ones whose lives are forever changed.
As I sat and
listened to eulogies and watched photo slideshows for both these men, I learned
three things from them and their lives.
The first is
that life is a gift and meant to be lived to the fullest, to the best of our
abilities. Both men were active in their circles at work and at home. Neither
chose to be an island. It is easy to be an island when the world seems like
such a scary place where people do not have the same values as you, or seem not
to have any values at all. That does not mean we should retreat to protect
ourselves and pooh pooh at everything that is not like us. If anything, I
learned that we need to arm ourselves with what we know is true and good and go
out there and shed some light on this dark and often crazy world.
The second
lesson I learned or rather had reaffirmed for me is that I need to make
memories with my family. Although both men were well appreciated at work, I saw
many photos of family times. I saw RT’s girls hugging him tightly on family
vacations. I wistfully wished my girl would do the same to me. I saw RP’s
family surrounding him during birthday celebrations and watched his fashion sense evolve with the
years.:-)
I spend a
lot of energy and time at work. Partly because I excel at my work. Partly
because I get a lot of affirmation at my work. I pour out 110% at work….if you do the math,
that does not leave much at all for home.
And so, I acknowledge that, I err in placing work ahead of family, ahead
of my own children far too often because honestly, at the end of the day, on my
death bed, will my work circle be there? Who was it who said, “Nobody ever
wished on his deathbed that he spent more time at work.”? But, then again, things
are almost always easier said than done, aren’t they?
My third
lesson from RP and RT is to live your best life now and to do it authentically. I don’t mean any new age-y reference,
nor do I mean to spend all your money buying all the toys you want now. From what I saw and heard, both men lived their
lives consistently and humbly, putting the greatest value on human
relationships among each other and one’s relationship with God, the Creator. Neither threw money around like it was water. Neither
shied away from difficult situations. Neither hid their beliefs in a loving
God. Both believed that eternity mattered and because of that belief, both were
courageous in how they stood firm for universal values of kindness and truth
and dignity and how they extended kindness, truth and dignity to all in their
circles. I could tell that, from the group of grown men around me sobbing, at RT’s
celebration of life.
We never
know when our stories are meant to end or how they will end. While we have
breath, perhaps we should evaluate how we would like our stories to be told
when our journey is done. What will be told someday in the future, depends on
what we do now in the present. Do you need to rethink some aspects of your life
today? I do.
